Ella Thinks…

freedom to choose where and when I work?

Priceless

that’s the benefits of working at home… you are in total control…no timed bathroom breaks..no boss peeking over your shoulders… no meetings to attend to.. and most especially no bundy clocks! i can wake up when ever, sleep when ever and rest whenever i want to…

plus having my daughter just beside me while I work is the best set up of all..

today is my first day as a professional blogger. I only have 2 more days left before the deadline… 150 blogs to write…. 15 domains… will i ever make it?

i just finished writing 9 blogs…141 more to go… no its 141 blogs left!yipee

best part is.. its also 2 more days before paycheck!

Now that I have all the time in the world plus a good internet connection, I now have the ability to browse for a good paying job…

I don’t have the means yet to work outside this town, so definitely, going back to manila is not an option…. I wouldn’t give up the time I am spending with my daughter.. (so why did i resign in the first place if I would just jump back to bundy clocks and signing thru aspects) what are my options… first time mom’s would definitely agree that spending time with your baby, being there to witness your baby’s first smile, first step, first word are too priceless to miss…

so moms! what are our options? can’t we at least enjoy the best of both worlds?

so one rainy afternoon, when the customers are scarce.. i stumbled upon an idea.. what about home based call centers… do they exist?!

to my surprise, it really did! (thank god for girl talk forums and for mom’s like me who have the same sentiments!)

i found one call center who caters to moms and home based call centers… its http://www.tgk-asia.com. Don’t get your hopes up yet cause there are no slots open (YET!) but who knows in the near future…. they might just hire their next batch! (god! please lemme be in one of them!)

any other option?

i also found this amazing website that freelance providers like web designers, graphic designers, bloggers, and even data entry workers, or internet researchers use to look for potential clients or they call it "buyers" whee you can apply for project based jobs like data entry, internet research, search engine optimization, and the likes. Buyers would pay you either per hour or per project basis. Most of the clients from ODESK are actually from the US.

Check out this link:
<a href="http://www.odesk.com/console/referrals/track/epelayo">The On Demand Global Workforce - oDesk</a>

<a href="http://www.odesk.com/console/referrals/track/epelayo?redir=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.odesk.com%2Fconsole%2Fusers%2F%7E%7E4de362d8b207d199"><img

I’m no genius with this stuff, in fact i am still a newbie and know very little about this. Up to now I am still hunting for projects online… Earlier I already had 2 phone interviews from some potential buyers… (crossing my fingers and hoping to land on one of those!).

I just want to share this new learning to all the moms out there who would want to share their time with their kids, and who wished they would never have to leave their crying babies at home and still enjoy earning money for their financial needs… who knows…this is our chance…

let’s update our resumes and try our luck!

my eyes starts to hurt as i browsed thru the profiles of my friends… its been an hour and a half since i started. just clicking through my friends profiles checking whats up with them while my baby and my hubby are both fast asleep…

10:30 pm.. i think ours is the only house who still have lights on till now. everything’s so quiet except for the clicking of my mouse and keyboard. I turned on my mp3 player… listening to whatever it is.

suddenly i feel dizzy, is it because of my tired eyes? or was it because i felt sad. suddenly something inside me felt numb… i am starting to feel low again. should i take a break from browsing through the pics so i could relax my eyes? or should i just stop from what i am doing?

i stopped and just looked at the mouse flashing over a picture of my friend who smile just shines through her face. then i noticed one sad reality… i browsed through my posted pics… i searched…

when was the last time i smiled this way? do i have a picture of that? did i post it here… browsing… mikee got a perfect smile in one of my posts.. clicking… mikee looked nice in her hite outfit… clicking…. i realized that most of the pics are not even mine…. come on?! not even one?!

the last one was way back last year… it seemed eternal…

i never expected that friendster could sometimes be depressive.. or was it just me?

as i browse through their pics, i see how far i am right now, that i was already left behind… will i ever get my life back?

10:45pm… mikee gave out a squeak… she’s in deep sleep but she’s smiling!

and that’s all it takes…

with just one of her smiles… i forgot that i was sad just minutes ago… i kissed her and bid goodnight….

i was looking in the wrong place…

when all i needed was just right beside me… sleeping….

lemme ask you guys a big question?

"when do you say enough?"
"When do you say.. "this is over"?
when do you say goodbye?

i’ve been asking myself the same questions over and over again for months now. and i can’t seem to find the answer…

i feel that my marriage seemed to be a cycle of "away-bati"  blues… sometimes were okay, most of the times we’re not. my marriage is far from perfect. but i bet everybody does have problems…

this not a question of who does not love who. we both love each other. i still think he loves me though.. but will this work?

i laughed at myself at times when i would pack my stuff and dare to leave and in the end i would end up forgiving him. a close friend of ours commented we just don’t seem happy together… and its a painful reality to accept. yes we’re not. if you would put a spy camera on us then you would definitely be bored. the only person that binds us together is mikee…

i love him of course,no questions asked. if i didn’t i wouldn’t be writing this blog. but i am unhappy… and thats the saddest part… cause he doesn’t seem to care or maybe too busy to notice.

so when do we say goodbye?

is it only when they’ve cheated us?
is it only when they’ve physically harmed us?

when?