happily ever after?
how do you put an end to what you have hoped to last forever?
this past few months was a whirlwind of problems that I never imagine could happen…
I have always believed in fairytales… and for the past years, I thought I was in one of them. In fairytales, the villains loose and the princess and her prince charming would always live happily ever after…
define happily ever after?
In my so-called fairytale story, I found my prince charming and have thought we would live happily ever after. Just when I thought we both have fought and won the battle over the villains in our story a new conflict arises…
Princess is now asking herself, is it worth the fight? is HE worth the fight? Do happily ever after exists? Or is it a choice? A choice to choose between happliy ever after or just plain "period"… a sad ending perhaps…
Choices… Its hard to make… Cause everytime I make any, there will always be what could’ve beens… never ending "what-ifs"…
I made up my mind… Im ready to leave… ready to move on and look for a greener pasture… for my princess… but with that decision, Am I ready to leave my "King"? Am I ready to put an end to a covenant I once made?
So let me think… Why did I came up with that decision? Why did it ever popped inside my chaotic mind?
There are gazillions of reasons i guess… unemployment, financial instability, differences, in laws, and psychological incompatibility are just to mention a few. I said to myself, what is there to loose anyway? I could always make it on my own.
Are there any reason to stay?
I loved him… wholeheartedly… I would be a hypocrite if i say I am ready to throw it all out without feeling any pain. As a matter of fact, its a paithat would seem to draw out all of your remaining strength, a pain that immobilizes me brain to think, my body to move, and my heart to shed love.
I don’t want to ruin his life… its a devastating thought… just to think of what could possibly happen after…
I care about my daughter… I will never be prepared if one day she’d be looking for her dad… or how would I explain that I left her dad just because…
My cousin told me, this is a decision I should make on my own…
If i stay, will we ever resolve our differences? Will He ever change? Will I ever find the things that I have been looking for? Or is it gonna be the same?
I remember my mom being in the same situation years before… I can even remember the time i begged her not to leave papa.. for my sake… and she didin’t. Now they are still together, through thick and thin, through sickness and in health… I asked her just days ago, why she didn’t leave papa and her answer was very simple… "because you asked me not to… and Im happy I didn’t".
My head hurts… it hurts from all the questions and thinking Ive been doing for the past weeks… only to find out that my mind can’t make that sole decision, I had to also listen to what my hearts says…
Ending?
I guess it would hurt much if I stay and let this be another chapter of our fairytale…
Maybe our happily ever after is just beginning…
