Ella Thinks…

Unemployment gives you the time of your life to pause, and appreciate lifes pains and joys. Whether you like it or not, this stage of your life gives you all the TIME in the world that you once complain about not having any.

To some, having so much time to do anything you like is such a wonderful blessing. To me, its the other way around. For the past 3 years of my life, I have been used to the hustle and bustle of the metro. I breathe smoke, I have an erratic schedule due to work, and I love shopping. I thought it would be like that forever, I would’ve loved that moment to go on and on for ages. Now Im in the exact opposite…

Depressive… Boring… and suffocating… Thats the best words to describe this "mean time" I am in. While my friends rejoice in their career success, I dwell in the dark corner of my room, shedding tears to what could’ve been a happy moment. Unemployment grabs you of your self-esteem. Its as if it suctions out all the confidence that I have built throughout the years in just a split second. It robbed me of my peace of mind, more importantly, I lost myself in this process. The saddest part there, is that I don’t even know when will I find it again.. or will I ever find it?

Whats worse than unemployment?

I guess being in that situation and at the sametime be placed in between your hubby, in laws and family… what better word to describe it is simply CHAOS! It feels as if Im in a midst of a jungle trapped between a raging lion, an angry alligator, and a grumpy orangutan… and there is no escape! Sometimes, I wish I had harry potter’s invisibility cloack so I can just float around far from everything and everyone…

Who should I choose? Should I defend my hubby even if at times he was at fault? Should I despise my family for being what and who they are? Should I stay mad at my in laws and just shut them out of our lives? I guess this is not as simple as it seems…

Worst of all there’s no one here to blame but ME. I once attended a seminar about customer experience, and I can remember the speaker saying "whatever you have in life is what you want!". I didn’t want this to be a chapter of my life… but it happened… Thinking again, I guess this was all my fault. I made all the decisions.

So whats in between unemployment, in law and family chaos?

Me.. Lost in the midst of this mess…